I don’t normally harbor enough disdain for customer service to take the time to launch an entire website to detail a bad experience, but that changed when I hired Shelli Van Lines to move me from New York City to Long Island.

I should have hired the movers I had used the previous year, when I moved from Queens to Manhattan, but I figured, “Hey, I’m in Manhattan, there must be tons of reliable, affordable movers.” Boy, was I wrong – or just very unlucky!

After a quick online search, I came across the website www.billy.com/movers, which takes all your information and forwards it to tons of movers. (Just a heads-up if you try this: Moving companies will call you nonstop until you speak to or email each one, telling them you’ve already found a mover.)

Shelli Van Lines called me first. The girl to whom I spoke was very pleasant, and I gave her the dates of my move, which was to take place over the weekend. She mentioned that if I was flexible, I could get an awesome rate during the week – only $65 an hour, a flat rate, with everything included! It sounded too good to be true, which, of course, it was!

She went on to explain that the $65 included three movers, taxes, tolls and gasoline, plus they’d even throw in ten free boxes! “What are your additional charges? I asked. She explained that if I had any large or delicate items that I needed help packing, there would be additional fees. I didn’t have anything like that, nothing out of the ordinary. I was living in very small studio and would have most of my things packed in boxes when the movers arrived.

The day before the move, I called to confirm everything: the time and the price – the standard $65 an hour rate for three guys, everything included! It sounded great!

The next morning the movers arrived more than an hour late, though I did get a phone call explaining that they were on the way. I met the “foreman,” who is actually a little punk dirt bag from New Jersey, and his two helpers.

They surveyed the apartment and then presented me with a contract. When we were going over the contact, the foreman asked me about the stairs and what I had been told about being charged per flight. I explained that I was told “everything was included,” and that I was never asked about stairs when I made the appointment over the phone.

This was my first error; I should have stopped everything right there. But it was early, I don’t move a lot, and because I have more faith in people and business than I should, I signed the contract after he said he would have to call in and ask about the stairs. God, I am a schmuck! But hey, if this truly were a reasonable, honest moving company, I wouldn’t have had to worry about being a schmuck, just a happy customer!

You would think a professional moving company in New York City would ask about stairs. Something like, “Oh, you live in Manhattan? Are you in a building, or are you on street level? If you’re in a building, what floor are you on? We need to know, because we charge extra for that!”

But no, when I called back to mention that they apparently charged per flight of stairs, the sweet girl on the phone who ended up turning into a real (insert expletive) said she had forgotten to mention that they charged per flight. I guess she assumed I was on street level. I mean, must people in Manhattan live on street level, right? So why bother asking what floor I’m on?

It didn’t take very long to get everything into the truck. When they had moved my last belonging into the truck and closed the doors, I noticed the helpers were getting high while I was busy discussing matters with the foreman. He presented me with a bill that was double what I was quoted, with an additional $100 “per flight of stairs.”

I tried to remain calm, but this situation was bullshit. Why hadn’t the stairs been mentioned in the phone call? Why wasn’t I told it was $100 a flight before you even started moving, and why did I have to wait until my last possession was locked away to tell me?

When I called back again, I asked for the manager. Of course, no one was available. What did the princess have to say? She told me I should have read the email that I received. Oh, what a gem of information! I explained that I was really getting screwed by both of them. “I’m sorry I’m an idiot and didn’t read the fine print in the email and then call back so you could explain it to me. Is there anything you can do to help me out in this situation, now that all my things are in your truck and I have to be out of this place?” She explained that nothing could be done, and again, that there was no manager available to whom I could speak. Then the foreman chimed in, explaining that I got ten free boxes and should be happy, it’s a great deal!

It was really a nightmare straight out of a “Jersey Shore” episode. A young punk foreman was in charge of two possible convicts who were getting high in the truck. A snotty girl in some small dirty office was telling me on the phone that I was basically an idiot for not reading the email. And the owner of the company was probably in Atlantic City, gambling his income rather paying the bills.

Mr. Foreman said, “I can break the contract; they’ll just take everything out, but you’ll still have to pay.” I had no choice but to send them to my new place on Long Island at an extra $100 per flight.

If you claim to be a professional moving company in Manhattan, you don’t tell your potential customers on the phone that it’s a “$65 flat rate with three guys and everything is included” and then conveniently leave out the fact that you charge $100 per flight of stairs and expect people to read the fine print in the email.

I had been told twice that they accepted credit cards, but they refused to take it when they reached the destination and then refused to take anything out of the truck until they were paid in cash. I was told I would pay when my move was complete, but not in this case. Mr. Foreman knew he might not get paid or I that I dispute the charge with the credit card company. What a smart little shit he was! I guess they had disputes like this before!

They didn’t want to risk not getting paid in full after scamming me, and the foreman had the entire conversation down pat, and well rehearsed. Clearly, this was not the first time something like this had happened. He explained that if I didn’t pay before they opened the truck, they would take my things with them, and then I would be charged a storage fee!

This really is an evil company with subhuman “employees.” I realized this after I read other reviews on Yelp. If I had read them earlier, I would have never hired Shelli Van Lines. I truly don’t know how they are still in business.

“Go ahead! Report us to the Better Business Bureau! They don’t do anything!” the foreman said. Well, I guess they don’t, because this company is still in business.

Moving is stressful enough as it is, but throwing something like this on top of it really made for a truly horrific experience! I hope this blog serves its purpose, which is to make sure no one else hires these vultures.

Please, if you are moving, ask friends, family and neighbors for recommendations. After that, check reviews on Yelp. Also check complaints with the Better Business Bureau. Finally, no matter what fabulous rate you are quoted, ask how much the “flight of stairs” costs, because in New York City, you probably have them!

Shelli Van Lines is by far the worst moving company I have ever encountered.